The Great and Powerful Lish

I miss you guys.
I'm updating more on wordpress but i'll try to do better here.  it would help if netbooks weren't such a pain in the ass to type on.

I feel slightly still on the inside.
Like I'm preparing myself for a pounce.
And I am.

A very nice one.

Life is good for the most part, you guys.
Still posting on snpdragn.com, still haven't updated with anything meaningful and won't for a while.
Still swimming in custody ick.
Still panicked.

Still in love with Nicholas - a bit more each day as time goes on and we learn to deal with each other in the sense that neither of us is going anywhere.  We're stuck with each other. 
It makes things better.
Means we have to get past the irritations and to the root of things.
That's nice.

Still the mom of two gorgeous beagles.
They've packed together now... Alchemy whines when away from Janie and it breaks my heart/annoys me to death.
I can't imagine separating the two now.

Still the mom of a soon-to-be teenager.  One who got up today for the first day of school all by herself and was ready WAYYY before she had to be.
I'm proud of her.
Let's hope we keep this up this year.

Hope you guys are all good - I miss you tons.

Let's bribe someone to redo ITW.
I MISS the connections.

Oh look!  Internet... at some place other than work.
How...
unique?

Yes, unique.

I'm sure most of you haven't missed me - as you should know by now where to find me.

But, if you have, well, it's your own damned fault.
There's nothing wrong with visiting another blog site - and it's one I can access on my iPhone, so come on over, baby.

But said in the Britney way, not in the normal way.
baaayyyyybaaahhhh.

www.snpdragn.com

yo.

So, what's up with all of you folks? 
Life still moseying along?
Wedding plans are still moseying along here.
Custody plans are somewhat stalled.
Cohabitation sounds like a bad idea, but only because boys are icky - I had to work with tons of them all week by myself, it'll turn you off men completely.

Abbey's still at her dad's - not hearing from her much.
I hope she's active and not stuffed in a room with a ton of kids to watch.
Gotta remember to have fun and all of that.

I'm still fat, still working on it.
Still broke, still,... unable to fix that.

Still me.

Why don't you tell me what's up with you?

So, work blocked Vox permanently now.
That's annoying.
Not a catastrophe - just annoying.

So, if you want to find me, find me at snpdragn.com, which is probably fairly easy to remember - because even if those bastages start blocking wordpress, I have the iphone app, mwahahaha.

And.
Internet access at the apartment is no more - the idiots discovered wireless security.
After a year.
Which is annoying.

:)

Life's pretty good otherwise though - how are things with you folks?g

I've been listening to a podcast of a friend of mine.  She's fantastic.
Utterly addictive to listen to - now that I have my iPhone accepting her podcast. (They were fighting for a while, but I think they've made up.)
She is one of those people that is an enabler.
Which she admits to - even on her podcast.
And when she talks about being crafty or I see her do these crafty amazing things, I just want to put her in my pocket and magically steal her abilities.
But that wouldn't be very nice and since I've known her forever, it'd be hard to count myself as a friend of hers if I did that.
Plus, my pockets are full of my ASS at the moment.
Damned tight pants.
And no friend should have to be that close to your ass.

But regardless, she's a bit of an inspiration.
And I mean that in the cheesy way and in the fun way.
In the cheesy way, she absolutely has the best outlook on life.  She's fun and optimistic and loves openly and wholeheartedly.
Dude, she puts sugar on her french fries.  She's simply unusual and fantastic.
And she has this boyfriend that is amazing and whom I adored upon meeting - seriously perfect for each other.  I'd gag if I wasn't somewhat of a romantic when it comes to unique people finding each other.
But.
She is also inspirational in a fun way.
She picks up stuff.
Randomly.
be it a paper project, a fabric project, a yarn project - and you IMMEDIATELY want to do it too.  Because even if it doesn't turn out the way she originally intended, it ALWAYS ends up being great and always ends up being creative.

If she didn't think weddings were a waste of money (and she's right, they are) I'd convince her (or try) to become a wedding planner, because anything she comes up with turns to gold, in my opinion.

She's rather like Krista in that way.

And after listening to her podcast this morning, I absolutely want to chunk this computer out of the window and go and CREATE.

But words people aren't all that great with the other arts generally and so that might be an absolute disaster.
When I was younger, any time I painted, it looked like an ode to Pollack.
Any time I knit, it's a project that I lose interest in JUST before I finish.
I don't lose interest in paper projects, but my inspiration always comes from other folks' original thoughts and how can that count?

But I feel the urge right now.
I want to be a photographer, a knitter, a graphic artist, a seamstress, a spinner, a painter, a designer.
All in one.
Sort of like Crafty Superwoman.

Thank GOD I can't afford it.
And can leave it to people who can actually end up with a wonderful finished project.

But, oh, I can live vicariously through them.
Yes, I can.

One of the bad things about living in the middle of the golf course is that there are no trees.
None.
So, no shade.
No shade means that the air conditioners have to work overtime - because they aren't designed to maintain a 40 degree difference in temperatures.
So, yesterday, mine died.

Fortunately, it must have died close enough to the end of the day to keep the dogs from dying.
Otherwise, I'd have been... put out.
(Minor words for a major action, trust me.)

So, the guy came around 10:30 (he was out fixing air conditioners at other properties) and we are cool again.

That's good.

Went to my grandmother's yesterday.
The dead one, not the live one.
Was looking for a few more keepsakes.
I miss her terribly, especially lately.
Found her button collection, which is mine now.
Took away some linens she had embroidered.
Stole some pictures - not really stolen.
Just, things that they consider junky papers I realize are treasures.
And so I will scan them and make sure everyone has a copy.
I'm the only one that would do that - the rest of them are all too willing to throw away junk and fight over the small things.
I, on the other hand, wanted her pillowcases that she had started cross stitching but hadn't finished when she died.
Those were who she WAS.
And the buttons and the linens and keepsake papers.

How can they consider them junk?

So, now I'm looking at photos of her brothers in Germany during WWII.
Looking at photos from the beginning of last century of her parents.
Trying not to be angry that relatives had basically thrown them in the bottom of a closet.

Other than that minor familial theft, there's not much going on.
I'm kind of glad.
I'm not sleeping, so not much going on is a good thing.
Let's hope things continue to stay up.

I can't get "Electric Avenue" out of my head.

Fuzzy Fuzzy Warmness.
Invading my body.
Oh, that's coffee.

See, it's hot outside.
Heat index at 107.

But it's not inside.
Oh no, we can't have it hot with all these... cow farmers around.  (since I can't tell you where I REALLY work.)
So, the air stays on and I'm freezing.
And anything above solidly frozen feels warm.

And I'm so darned tired.
That none of this is making sense.

But I'm happy.
It's good to be happy.
I like happy.

I had a rough afternoon yesterday. 
Or day.
Nick just listened.
He said "I'm sorry, baby" when he was supposed to.
Didn't offer suggestions.
Just listened.
It almost curled my toes, it was THAT wonderful.
He didn't even break in to tell me about his day first - which was much more interesting since he drove to Duluth to deliver a conference...
But nope, he just listened.

I think I'm going to love that man forever.

Abbey's feeling better.
She never hit the whiny point.
And when I went to work she was still feeling icky with fever.
But when I came home, she'd had biscuits and M&Ms and was happy as a lark.
Temp wasn't all the way down, but it was an entirely different child.
Apparently having your parents around makes you sicker.
Who knew?

We talked a bit about the custody battle.
We talked about our biggest fears.
Hers is apparently that the losing party is going to break out a gun and shoot everyone.
Hmm.
Odd.
I told her mine is that I'm going to have to move to Minneapolis anyway because Nick can't find a job here and that she won't want to be with me, and will think I love Nick more than her.
Sneaky, I know, but I have to open it up for discussion in some way.
And I can't talk about court itself, but I can sort of hint at what could happen.

She told me she was sorry, but that if that happened, she didn't want to live anywhere near Minneapolis.

So.
I'm not going to focus on that, because it's still sort of hanging and ringing in my ears.
But thought it might be important to mention it.

Wedding stuff is so much easier to focus on.
I don't want to do this custody stuff anymore.
I want the right thing to be her with me and for no one to question it.
Fantasy world.
Everything is out of my control.

Bah.  See?
Can of worms.

Feeling very loving this morning.
I can't help it.
I think it's the lack of sleep.

Still, I'm pretty thankful for everyone today.

Thankful even to Ben and Melissa.
They really impressed me yesterday and even if they were setting me up so they'd look good in court or so they can ask for something later, I still really appreciated them not making Abbey come over.
And Ben bringing her dinner later.
I was even sweet to Melissa, telling her that her dumplings were good and asking her how she made them - and they were.  Not as good as mine, mind you, but her actual DUMPLINGS turned out better - mine always end up much smaller.
So I felt like telling her I appreciated them being so giving.
Because she HATES her husband being around me, yet didn't make a fuss to me or Abbey about him coming over to watch a movie.

I'm thankful for my mother. 
You wouldn't believe how much she's helped me this weekend.
Came by and picked us up to go to the minor emergency clinic this weekend.
Then took us to get something to eat, to fill Abbey's meds, and dropped by yesterday to bring us lunch because I wouldn't leave Abbey with 103 degree fever.
I owe my parents so darned much.
I don't know how someone as selfish as me got so blessed with such wonderful and giving parents.

I'm thankful for my friends.
Do you guys know how much you mean to me?
I know that sounds cheesy - some of you I've never even met, but I value your friendship every bit as much as the friends I know in daily life.
I've gotten so much support from my online friends - and people like you guys are people you try and keep around forever.

And Nicholas.
My goodness.
Do you know how much that man loves me?
It surprises me sometimes.
Not that I don't think I deserve it, I'm amazing.  (tee hee, couldn't resist.)
But, I'm serious.
This rather selfish man (because I see him as he is...) wants to take care of me.  Wants to take care of Abbey.  Wants to make sure that we are happy and healthy for the rest of our lives and works hard every single day to make sure he's in a position to make that happy.
His nightmares are about not being able to make our lives better - and no matter how much he drives me nuts, he does celebrate my victories with me, celebrates the important things. 
He tries - and that trying is love.
Because love isn't something that just sits on it's laurels.
If he gets it wrong, he dusts himself off and tries again.  And that matters.  That tells me that for the rest of my life, I will have a man standing by me that might mess up, might make me angry, but isn't going to walk away when things get hard or life gets complicated.
I'm so incredibly lucky.

And Abbey...
She's absolutely the light of my life.
Has a smile that can light up a nation and even sick this weekend has managed to be one of the most wonderful people to be around.
That sounds nuts, but she simply is a ray of sunshine.  (at least 95% of the time when she's not in school.  lol.)

I'm counting my blessings.
I'm tired.
I'm worried and nervous about the future, but I have such an amazing support system.

I'm a lucky lady.

Hate to say it - Ben was pretty great today.
He didn't make Abbey go over there for Father's Day.  Came over and watched a movie with us instead - didn't even try to wrangle more time out of me.
Came by later upon request to bring her dinner and throat meds.
I don't know what motivates days like this, but I wish they were the rule.

It also makes me think very warmly about Nicholas, who does things like this without even thinking about it.  He simply does what's right because it's right.
I don't always agree - but his heart is in the right place.

I'm having a few troubles - the usual - money.

I also have a friend that's pretty much avoiding me.
I'm not one of those people who can take a hint either.  It only makes me try harder and absolutely mentally tortures me when it's really someone I care about.
I mean, I had a recent convo with another friend who thinks I've been rather... hmm.  something lately - that was fine, but this... this is just.  It hurts my feelings.
lol, I'm such a pansy.
She'd laugh at me if she knew I was blogging about it.

Bah.
That's reason enough to stop.

And I'm tired.
I want to curl up in bed and sleep for hours, but the lack of sleep this weekend is not going to let me do that...
That sentence made no sense.
Perhaps I should go to bed instead.
Yes.

Yes, I shall.
You know... when Abbey does.